You Cannot Fix Your Broken Life

Ecclesiastes 1:12-15, “I the Preacher was king over Israel in Jerusalem. And I gave my heart to seek and search out by wisdom concerning all things that are done under heaven: this sore travail hath God given to the sons of man to be exercised therewith. I have seen all the works that are done under the sun; and, behold, all is vanity and vexation of spirit. That which is crooked cannot be made straight: and that which is wanting cannot be numbered.” Ecclesiastes 12:13-14, “Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter: Fear God, and keep his commandments: for this is the whole duty of man. For God shall bring every work into judgment, with every secret thing, whether it be good, or whether it be evil.”

Dear reader, if you're life is broken like mine, you cannot fix it! The happiest years of my life was as a teenager. Sure, there were sad events. Sometimes other teenagers hurt my feelings. I luckily escaped many close calls with death on my bicycle and speeding cars. But I was happy overall. Looking back, I think it was simply because I had a strong social life. I was active in our Baptist church in Chicago. I attended the church's Christian school during the week. THANKS MOM AND DAD!!! I love you guys up in Heaven!!! We had Friday night youth activities each week. We took annual church youth trips to the Bill Rice Ranch in Murfreesboro, Tennessee. Me and my friends went places, played street football, lit off fireworks throughout the year, often walked 3 miles to The Brickyard shopping mall for a 7-Eleven Big Gulp and then rode the public bus back, built giant igloos and forts in the snow, rode bikes all over the city, et cetera.

When I turned 18 I went off to Bible college by day and worked by night. I got married at age 20. My life has never been truly happy since. I suffered much persecution as a Christian in the secular workplace. I was rear-ended severely by a church bus in 1992, which permanently misaligned my neck. I was 25 years old. In 2004, my neck injury became chronic and I was diagnosed with stenosis and radiculopathy. My former wife divorced me against my will in 2006. I have been so lonely since, but the Lord sustains me (Hebrews 13:5). I won't go into all the details of my troubled life, because I did that the other day in this article titled: “We Should Be Happy Even While Things Are Broken.” Billy Sunday (1862-1935) was right: “Give your face to God, and He will put a shine in it.”

1st Samuel 30:6, “And David was greatly distressed; for the people spake of stoning him, because the soul of all the people was grieved, every man for his sons and for his daughters: but David encouraged himself in the LORD his God.” Sometimes there won't be anyone to turn to for sympathy when everything goes wrong in life. As we just read, David had to ENCOURAGE HIMSELF IN THE LORD HIS GOD. And that's they key: “IN THE LORD.” I had absolutely no one to befriend me for several years of my life (between 2009 to 2014). I underwent two major neck surgeries in 2009 and 2010 with no one by my side. I wanted to die. I was abused by both hospitals and associated “caregivers.” I was abandoned after surgery both times. I was abused and treated like garbage at Cedars-Sinai Hospital in Los Angeles. Just do a Google search for abuse at Cedars-Sinai and you'll get a tone of results. A lot of former patients are angry at the hospital for their incompetence. I wept profusely in loneliness, even contemplating suicide in 2009. I cannot fix my broken life (and the 8 neurosurgeons I've met since 2008 cannot fix my broken neck).

Compassion For Hurting People Must Begin In The Churches

When I crawled into some local churches on Guam in 2009, 2013 and 2018, desperately needing their love and encouragement, I was instead coldly shunned away by ungodly and uncaring pastors. Our Baptist churches are sadly filled with self-righteous hypocrites, snobs, cliques and social clubs. These types of unbiblical places are respecters of persons, not New Testament churches (James 2:1; Romans 14:10; Matthew 25:45). We have never seen such closed off, pathetic, doctrinally corrupted and indifferent churches as we do everywhere today. James 2:1, “My brethren, have not the faith of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Lord of glory, with respect of persons.” Everyone should be welcomed in a Bible-believing church.

I once owned my own triplex 3,500 square foot home, completely paid for. I had a wife, although never someone I was proud to have married. She was a bad seed from the beginning. Proverbs 31:12, “She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.” Proverbs 14:1, “Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands.” Proverbs 12:4, “A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband: but she that maketh ashamed is as rottenness in his bones.” Still, I praise the Lord for the opportunity to have been married, problems and all. Millions of teenage young men have died on some foreign battlefield, never knowing the privilege of marriage and fatherhood. Life was not fair to those men. 

I get so sick of the hypocrisy of our leaders. Not too long ago I watched a documentary by Ken Burns about The Civil War, which is a masterpiece of film making. In the series though, I felt sick when I learned that President Abraham Lincoln removed his four sons from the war, so they wouldn't be killed. That makes me angry! What hypocrisy! I tell you, if our nation's leaders were required to send their children first to fight in all the wars they start, there would never be another war! I wish there was a universal rule that any leader who starts a war must send their children into war first!!!  Think about that. Old men start wars, young men fight wars, and everybody in the middle loses. Life is not fair. 

My heart aches when I see those veteran memorial walls, showing the names of several thousand young men who were killed in war. I am not a pacifist and I do understand the need for some wars. However, as the mother of Casey Sheehan learned the hard way, not all wars are legitimate. I really love this dear lady, Cindy Sheehan. To me she is an American hero! Casey was killed just 5 days after arriving in Iraq, over a war illegally started over oil, not preserving our freedoms in America. The Iraqi War was a fraud before it even began. There were no illusive Weapons Of Mass Destruction. Yet, 90% of America's dumb dumb churches fully rallied behind an ungodly war based on lies, bidding Godspeed to war criminals in the White House. God bless you Cindy, you're awesome and loved by many!!!

Anyway, back to the main topic. You cannot fix your broken life dear friend. Only Jesus Christ can fix your broken life. Trust me I know. I have been trying to find another wife all these years, but haven't been able to find anyone who wants me. I wish Cindy Sheehan was single! I have been wanting to buy another house, to replace the one I lost because of an ugly divorce I didn't want in 2006. I cannot afford a home in any of the nice places I'd like to live. I have consulted with 8 neurosurgeons since 2004, two of whom performed major surgery on my neck. I was struck from behind by a church bus (of all things) in 1992, forever messed up physically in this life. I have unsuccessfully tried to get the urgent medical help I need, in hope of getting my old healthy life back. Yet, the more aggressively I pursue my hopes and dreams of finding a content life, enjoying happiness with a loving wife, and enjoying the ideal health I formerly knew, the farther they all run away from me! What saith the Scripture? ...

1st Timothy 6:6-9, “But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into this world, and it is certain we can carry nothing out. And having food and raiment let us be therewith content. But they that will be rich fall into temptation and a snare, and into many foolish and hurtful lusts, which drown men in destruction and perdition.”

It has been 15 years now without a wife. Increasingly I am starting to embrace the reality that I may never be remarried again. That breaks my heart. I am so lonely. But what can I do? I signed up for e-Harmony since 2017, which has led nowhere. I have contacted numerous women, none of whom responded. People are very different these days. American society has changed drastically from 1970. I often am reminded of a helpful sermon preached by Pastor Jack Hyles called: “Let Yourself Know What Yourself Already Knows.”

All The Kings Horses And Men Couldn't Put Humpty Dumpty Back Together Again

I had an extremely difficult time emotionally between 2004 to 2011, relentlessly pursuing the medical help that I desperately needed to get my life back. The first surgery seemed like an eternity during the year it took to get evaluated, approved, planned and scheduled. The surgery didn't help. I was desperate to get my healthy life back, one that is completely pain-free. 

So I underwent a second major surgery in 2010. The nurse was so mean that she scheduled me for April 1st (April Fool's Day), thinking me a fool for consenting to another surgery when the first one didn't help me. She told me so. But I was desperate, and the surgeon said he thought he could make me better. That young neurosurgeon from India said he thought he knew what the problem was. That was music to my ears. As it turns out, he was a criminal, and I have the legal paperwork to prove it. The U.S. government contacted me to let me know that I was a victim of a money-making kickback scheme in San Diego and Long Beach, California. A few dozen shady people were convicted, some went to prison for several years. I received absolutely nothing in compensation, except a letter to use for toilet paper, but the lawyers made out like bandits! Ecclesiastes 5:8 gives me peace in the matter, “If thou seest the oppression of the poor, and violent perverting of judgment and justice in a province, marvel not at the matter: for he that is higher than the highest regardeth; and there be higher than they.” No one ever gets away with anything! 

Anyway, the second surgery made me 100% worse. It hurts being called “a fool” by a nurse for trying to get better. The surgeon said he thought he could make me better, so she had no right to say that to me. She was cruel. Living with pain is not living, it is surviving, and desperate people do desperate things. I suffer with a feeling of burning throughout my nervous system, continually. It keeps me humble, but also makes it difficult to do things. Dear reader, you cannot fix anything when it comes to a broken life. I certainly cannot. My neck is permanently messed up and there's nothing anyone can do. I have seen eight licensed neurosurgeons, to no avail. I've gone through all of the conventional treatments available, to no benefit whatsoever. 

In 2011 after being told by three doctors that I had come to the end of the line medically, I had to embrace the harsh reality that I'm as good as I'm ever going to be again! I suffer with constant sharp pain which radiates down my right arm and leg. My right leg feels inflated with air, and both of my arms, especially the right side. My neck is tense all the time, which feels like a balloon filled with air in back of my neck. And so forth. It is a burden for me. Yet, when I feel down I go watch THIS VIDEO and thank God for my health!

Looking Unto Jesus The Author And Finisher Of Our Faith

Please understand that I am not writing about my woes to vent, God forbid. I am hopefully relating to a bunch of suffering people, who also have broken lives and problems. Jesus said in Mark 11:22b, “HAVE FAITH IN GOD.” That is what I am sharing with you. The more I try to fix my life (from what I think it should be), the worse it gets, and the more hopeless this life seems. So the great truth I am learning is to stop trying to get back to where I once was. My health is what it is. All I can do is eat healthy, keep walking a few times a week, avoid a bunch of negative bad news, and stay focused on Jesus in the Scriptures. Hebrews 12:2, “Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God.”

John 5:39, “Search the scriptures; for in them ye think ye have eternal life: and they are they which testify of me.” May I say, going to church doesn't keep you spiritual. You read correct! In fact, church is the easiest place to backslide, because you get used to the preaching, and like an inoculation it doesn't help you anymore. Church keeps you religious! That is why I preach against the Harvest Baptist Church of Guam so much. I love them very, very much at Harvest, which is why I relentlessly preach against them, because I want to be a part of their church family. I have no one. But they reject me. 

Thus, I have painfully learned that people will always disappoint me, so I must point my expectations toward the Lord Jesus Christ alone. That is the truth I want you to take away from this article! Point all your hopes, dreams and expectations in the Lord Jesus Christ alone and you'll never be disappointed!!! You have God's promise of it in Romans 10:11, “For the scripture saith, Whosoever believeth on him shall not be ashamed.” Jesus will never disappoint you. You can count on the Lord dear friend. You truly can!

My Broken Life Is Hidden With Christ In God

I love this Bible passage from Colossians 3:2-3, “Set your affection on things above, not on things on the earth. For ye are dead, and your life is hid with Christ in God.” I may never own a home again. If I do, I will have to move to a cheaper city. I am doing exactly that. I've been looking at mobile homes, which are fine for a single guy like me. But what do I care, because Jesus promised that He is preparing a home for me in Heaven. John 14:2-3, “In my Father's house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again, and receive you unto myself; that where I am, there ye may be also.” I am 53 years old. I might live another 20 or 30 years. Might. Even if I could afford a 7,000 square foot mansion in Beverly Hills or Hawaii, I cannot take one brick of it with me. But praise God, all my treasures from my website ministry are stacking up in glory (Matthew 6:19-20; 1st Corinthians 3:8; Mark 9:41; Revelation 22:12). You better believe I work night and day on my ministry!!!

Hey, and if medical advancements never allow me to live pain-free in this lifetime, God promises me a new body in eternity, fashioned like unto the Lord's resurrected body. Philippians 3:21, “Who shall change our vile body, that it may be fashioned like unto his glorious body, according to the working whereby he is able even to subdue all things unto himself.” I'll take that 10,000 times over getting all my health back in this temporal world! When Jesus raised up Lazarus from the dead, I believe that Lazarus had 100% of his full health restored. But guess what? Okay don't guess, because you already know what eventually happened... LAZARUS DIED TWICE! Did you ever think about that? 

People who die in the Emergency Room and then are brought back, have to sooner or later die again! I'll bet that feels weird to be alive after knowing that you were pronounced legally dead by a doctor. Hey, this elderly farmer in Lexington , Mississippi died at age 78, was put into a body bag, and transported to the funeral home. In the embalming room, four hours after being pronounced dead, he was kicking in his body bag! Boy I love that! Folks, it ain't over until its over!!! THERE IS A GOOD GOD DEAR FRIEND AND HE LOVES YOU!!! God loves you. How do I know that? I know because the Bible says so (John 3:16). I also know because God's Holy Spirit lives inside me, and I love you with God's unconditional love (1st John 4:6-7). I know because God is love (1st John 4:16). YOU ARE LOVED DEAR READER!!!

Lord willing I'm wanting to move. Physically I am not up to the challenge. I am not sure if I can do this all by myself. I have been watching hundreds of YouTube videos on places to live that are affordable. Fort Wayne, Indiana looks very nice. The cost of living is well below the national average. The city has a population of about 250,000 people. There are many Germans in Fort Wayne, which means great food! Fort Wayne is literally called: “THE CITY OF CHURCHES,” because there are 360 churches in the city! I love that! I am thankful to God just to have the money to pay rent. God is always good. They get about 30 inches of snow per year, brutally cold winters, but nice summers. I lived in Chicago for 37 years, so the weather should be about the same.

My heart is heavy daily. I cannot repair my life. The more that I try to restore my life to its former glory, it evades capture. My health will never be as good as it once was. God willing I will turn 54 years old on March 5, 2021. My marriage is gone and if something in my life doesn't change, I will die a lonely old man. I read that Bob Jones III got remarried last year at age 80. He has friends who are looking out for him, no doubt. I'll bet Dr. Steve Pettit arranged that marriage, as a friend does. That is my humble guess. I wish I had a friend like that! So that encourages me that there is hope for me to find someone. 

The problem is living on Guam. There's nothing here! Since Harvest Baptist Church has cruelly banned me from attending church services since 2014 (to present in 2021), I have nowhere to go. That is so shameful for a so-called “church.” James 2:1 forbids being a respecter of persons. But Harvest's pastors are respecters of persons, and they won't allow me to go to church at all. Sure I'm frustrated, who wouldn't be? My loneliness fuels my frustration, but no one cares. Psalms 142:4, “I looked on my right hand, and beheld, but there was no man that would know me: refuge failed me; no man cared for my soul.”

I cannot make the pain of my life go away. I cannot erase the past. I cannot fix things. But friend, JESUS CAN FIX YOUR BROKEN LIFE! I have peace like a river in my soul. I am discouraged but not distraught. I am down but not defeated. I read a wonderful statement by Pastor Jack Hyles on Dr. Bob Gray Sr.'s Twitter page the other day, which read: “I may not be a success, but I will not be a failure.” Failure is not a disgrace unless we make it the last chapter in our book. I am going through a dark chapter of my life, but this chapter will end (as they all do), and when I die the book will be complete. Psalms 90:9, “For all our days are passed away in thy wrath: we spend our years as a tale that is told.” Every day is another page being written in the book of our life. Philippians 2:13, “For it is God which worketh in you both to will and to do of his good pleasure.” I trust in the Lord.

I am having a good day today in the Lord. It is Saturday on Guam. It is still Friday in the United States. I listened to Proverbs today. I am learning how to use CSS programming online to make webpages. I want to modernize some of my websites. I also need to update older webpages. I am not sure where this is all headed, but I prayed for God to give me wisdom. I may start a whole new domain name. I love computer science, but I'm just an amateur at it, which keeps it fun. I made some homemade pizza dough, which is now rising on the kitchen table as a speak, covered in a bowl. There's nothing like the smell of fresh rising yeast dough. Here is my awesome pizza recipe if you'd like to try it. I do not sit around feeling sad about the unchangeable past, nor do I worry about the uncertain future. I choose to make the best of today, this moment, and do all that I can to reach lost sinners with the Gospel.

One day at a time. My life will be over soon enough. I am ready to go in God's time. Being sad and alone, in pain of both body and soul, is no way to survive. All I can do is cry out to God and bathe my soul with the inspired King James Bible. But I rejoice in the PROMISES of God. I receive many emails from web visitors, and I can tell you that there are a lot of miserable and depressed people in this world. Preachers are sending America to Hell today, because of their love of money rather than love of the truth. Despite my prison of bodily pain and hurting soul, Jesus has given me freedom. John 8:32 and 36, “And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free. ... If the Son therefore shall make you free, ye shall be free indeed.”