John 16:33, “These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.” 1st Peter 1:3-9, “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, which according to his abundant mercy hath begotten us again unto a lively hope by the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, To an inheritance incorruptible, and undefiled, and that fadeth not away, reserved in heaven for you, Who are kept by the power of God through faith unto salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. Wherein ye greatly rejoice, though now for a season, if need be, ye are in heaviness through manifold temptations: That the trial of your faith, being much more precious than of gold that perisheth, though it be tried with fire, might be found unto praise and honour and glory at the appearing of Jesus Christ: Whom having not seen, ye love; in whom, though now ye see him not, yet believing, ye rejoice with joy unspeakable and full of glory: Receiving the end of your faith, even the salvation of your souls.”
What beautiful Scripture passages. It is February 8th, 2021 today. I went walking yesterday to soak up some sun on the island of Guam. It still amazes me how warm this place is all year round. Last week the island hit a record low temperature for the past 71 years, dipping down to a frigid 69 degrees! That is incredible. I have lived on Guam since 2004. It is a relatively safe place to live, but burglaries have been increasing lately. I often give money to people who beg, because times are tough and I don't want them to turn desperate. I love giving to others. I always give $20 hidden inside a personal Gospel tract that I made.
Anyway, when I finished my walk, my battery was dead on my Honda 2007 FIT. I saw that the positive battery cable was so loose I lifted it off. The people of Guam are amazingly friendly. An island man merely heard my starter solenoid clicking and was already coming over to help me before I even asked. Wow! His wife gave him a hairpin to jam the connector on the post and gave me a jump start, which worked and I drove home. But this morning my battery was dead again, so my neighbour gave me a jump start. I drove my vehicle to the dealership and left it. They said they won't be able to work on it until tomorrow. So they gave me a shuttle ride home.
When I left for the dealership I grabbed a book from my collection to read. I laughed as I sat waiting for the shuttle to take me home at the dealership, when I realized the fitting title of the book I brought... “Broken Things,” by Pastor M.R. DeHaan. That is funny! I cannot tell you how beautiful this book is dear friend. Martin DeHaan (1891-1965) was a professional medical doctor who got saved and became one of the greatest soulwinning preachers of the twentieth century. I want to quote something beautiful from his book here...
WE SHOULD BE HAPPY
Yes, indeed, when Christians stop to think what they are by grace and what lies ahead, they should be inexpressibly happy. But sad to say, this is not always true. Too often, like David, we must cry out, “Why are thou cast down, O my soul? And why art thou disquieted within me?” The experience of David is the experience of us all at some point or another, but we are not alone in these experiences As we study the saints of the Scriptures, we find that this was the common experience of all. Although we have everything in the world for which to be thankful, it remains a fact that we are still in these frail moral bodies of ours and are compelled to cope and struggle with the problems of time and material interests.
As we study the Book, we find that even the greatest heroes of the faith had their moments of darkness and despair. When they took their eyes off the Lord and the eternal implications of their present trials, they too cried out, “Why art thou cast down, O my soul?”
This was true of Abraham when he fled the land of Canaan when the Lord sent the famine. Instead of trusting the Lord, he went into Egypt—with tragic results. Moses had his discouraging moments, and Elijah, after his victory over the prophets of Baal, allowed an evil queen, Jezebel, to send him into a depression so that he desired to die. Despair came also to the prophets Jonah and Jeremiah, and even John the Baptist had his dark moments. And we could multiple these examples, including King David.
SOURCE: Broken Things: Why We Suffer, by Pastor M.R. DeHaan; pp. 91-92; Discovery House Publishers, ©1948
I can certainly relate to everything that Pastor DeHaan said. I have suffered much throughout my life, especially as an adult. My wife divorced me in 2006 and I have lived alone since. I have had to hire three lawyers in my life, which bilked me for $77,000. Most lawyers are nothing but predatory legal thieves! I lost my home as a consequence of the unwanted divorce. To say that I married the wrong woman is an understatement! She cost me everything. I forgave her since the very beginning in 2006, but once trust is gone in a relationship, nothing is ever the same again. I am her distant friend today, literally, as she has moved 8,500 miles away. So I am alone in life. I regret that I ever met her. I feel exactly the same as the famous preacher John Wesley, who said concerning his wife who also divorced him: “I did not dismiss her. I did not abandon her. I will not recall her.”
I have been emotionally hurt by some hateful Christians with judgmental hypocritical attitudes, who think I am supposed to stay single the rest of my life, while they have spouses. I pray that they could be divorced to know my pain of soul. Pastor Marty Herron (the former heartless senior pastor of the Harvest Baptist Church on Guam) is one of them! When I humbly pleaded for him to please let me attend church in 2017, three times in the kindest of words, he told me to “Go elsewhere.” God will return his evil upon him. I haven't had a church family since 2014 because of Marty Herron. The Apostle Paul vented about Alexander the coppersmith, who did him evil. I am mentioning Marty Herron, who did me evil. 2nd Timothy 4:14, “Alexander the coppersmith did me much evil: the Lord reward him according to his works:”
This article is too short to mention all the suffering I have endured, it would require a hundred blogs. I was hit by a church bus at the First Baptist Church Of Hammond in 1992. I am grateful for the opportunity to serve the Lord in their church's bus ministry between 1985 to 1993. I praise God that I wasn't hit by a beer truck! I was voluntarily driving a church bus for the Lord, and got hit by another church bus from the rear. It was the worst accident in the church's history in terms of physical damage done. The bus behind me was damaged so bad that the insurance company didn't even attempt to repair it, they just bought another brand new full size 72 passenger school bus for the rental company.
The accident was caused by an abandoned car left in the road by someone unknown. Three buses were involved. I know God will repay me for all my suffering, since I got it driving a church bus for Him. I could never suffer enough to repay all that God has done for me, giving His only begotten Son to pay for my sins, so I could have eternal life for free. I do not regret driving a bus for my dear Savior! God has used my pain and suffering to humble me, and to compel me to work even harder night and day to reach the lost for Christ, and feed His sheep.
In the accident, my driver's seat was broken off its hinges and I sustained severe whiplash, which at the time I didn't realize permanently misaligned my neck. Hospital x-rays didn't show anything broken, which is all they were trained to look for, but they missed the misalignment of my neck. Years later I used to wonder at work why my neck was tense, when there was no reason to be tense. I had completely forgotten about the accident several years earlier. In 2004 my condition became very evident, when my disks shifted in my neck. I was diagnosed with Cervical Degenerative Disk Disease. A chiropractor asked me if I had ever been rear-ended. I immediately remembered the bus crash. He then explained to me that the whiplash did this to me, making my neck crooked instead of having normal alignment. This caused abnormal pressure between the thorax and cervical area of my spine, causing my disks to shift.
To make a very long story short, I have suffered from 2004 with constant toothache-like pain in the bony area of my neck, with constant neck tension. It is debilitating, causing me constant misery. The pain is next to my head and never goes away. In 2005 I fell down a mail slide at work on Guam, which worsened my neck condition, causing radiating pain in both arms and legs. By 2009 I couldn't tolerate the suffering anymore. My wife had divorced me in 2006. My teenage children didn't want to live with me anymore by the end of 2008. My neck pain was unbearable. I had just been terminated for my disability from the U.S. Postal Service in 2008, where I had worked for 15 years. In 2009, I bought two small barbeque grills to commit suicide by asphyxiation. It is only by God's grace, knowing that He loved me, and that this life is a one shot deal (no coming back beyond the grave), that kept me from following through with it.
I underwent two major neck surgeries in 2009 and 2010. I was abused by Cedars-Sinai Hospital in Los Angeles. I was abused again during my second surgery in Long Beach, but I cannot even remember the name of the hospital. I received a letter from the government saying that dozens of people went to prison for a kickback scheme, and that I was a victim. I had flown from Guam to San Diego for my second surgery. The surgeon made me travel an hour and a half away to Long Beach. I was never told why, but now I know... he is a crooked man, a thief, a liar and a wicked person. He mistreated me after the surgery. The hospital deliberately didn't give me any pain medications. God will repay their evil. Dear reader, you wouldn't believe all the things I have suffered through, some things that I don't even want to talk about.
But one of the things that has hurt my the most, is the rejection by the Harvest Baptist Church of Guam since 2014. They are supposed to be a church! If you have been reading my articles for any length of time, then you know I have written often about Harvest Baptist Church, how rotten, corrupt, uncaring and hypocritical they are. I have only shared 5% of the miseries I have suffered through. In 2009, I won an Equal Employment Opportunity (EEO) lawsuit against the U.S. Postal Service. I was awarded $42,000 in damages to recompense my divorce expenses. The judge flew to Guam from California for a three day hearing, ruling that I was the victim of racial and religious discrimination. His hair was as long as mine at the time.
A Filipino group at work found my Jesus-is-Savior.com website and decided to harass me to tears. I was being relentlessly persecuted in a Hostile Work Environment. My boss and the managers did nothing. Some blamed me for stealing my own car and house keys. The judge got mad at them for that! Co-workers sabotaged my equipment that I was responsible to maintain, stole my house and car keys, dumped ripped up Gospel tracts on my toolbox, stole my thumb drive with my EEO case on it, stalked me around the building, printed pages of my website to harass me, left photos of indecent naked women for me to see, flooded the restroom while I was in there, threatened to murder me, and one co-worker even threatened to kill me with a knife right in front of the supervisor and she did nothing. I think that is why I won my EEO case, because she admitted it to the judge. I didn't have the money to hire a lawyer, so I represented myself. I tore that postal lawyer up! I was more prepared than she was. The judge was actually impressed with my presentation.
Persecution is nothing new to me. During 1987 to 1991 while attending Hyles-Anderson College to be a preacher, I was harassed at the truck repair International Harvest Dealership that I worked at in Melrose Park, Illinois. Co-workers abused me almost daily. One man threw a 3 pound hammer at me. Another co-worker spit on me. One man threw my toolbox onto the floor. That same man smashed my radio into pieces because I was playing cassettes of the Thren Family, Marshall Family and Statler Brothers while working. I only played it to drown out his Van Halen and AC/DC. My boss told me if I can't take the heat to get out of the kitchen.
At that same job I was harassed daily, called “baby Jesus” and other words I won't repeat. I was grabbed by the throat, forced up against a truck by the neck, had my work uniforms stolen and found booze bottles and centerfolds in my locker and toolbox regularly. One day I picked up an ignition capacitor that some left on my toolbox. I didn't know that one of my co-workers had charged it, as a cruel joke. I jumped a foot in the air and it could have killed me. A co-worker twice my age complained to my boss what someone had done to me, but again my boss didn't care. I was only 20 years old when I started. A co-worker loosened a drain plug on a truck I had changed the oil on, which got me fired. I had a specific system that I always followed, that prevented me from ever leaving a drain plug loose. I always lived by the motto: “The drain plug is either all the way in, or all the way out.”
At that job I was abused, but was too young to realize that I was supposed to stand up for myself. I was a good kid. Sometimes I did fight back. When one guy grabbed me one day, I grabbed him back and ripped all the buttons off his shirt. That was the guy who smashed me radio on the ground. He was 10 years older than me. I had men ask me why I carried my Bible to work. I carried a full-sized John R. Rice reference Bible to work every day. I replied that it was for the same reason that they bring Playboy to work, because that is where my heart is. One co-worker said my Bible made him nervous. Most of these men were all nearly twice my age. I was fresh meat.
Yet, still to this day I love them all and miss the comradery we had in the shop. Those guys made me laugh often. The man who threw the hammer at me (I dodged it so he missed), was carrying a big 10 foot muffler through the shop one day. At the time Midas had a popular commercial that showed a customer exclaiming: “I'm not going to pay a lot for this muffler.” So this guy Don shouts out: “This guy's gonna pay a lot for this muffler!” I couldn't stop laughing. Anyway, I know the feeling of being harassed for my faith. I am a very understanding person. Where I have a hard time is when professed Christians are hateful, like Harvest Baptist Church on Guam. They are all Bob Jones University graduates, and filled with hypocrisy. If they simply would have allowed me to attend church services, which I have pleaded since 2017, everything would have been fine, but they turned me away in their wickedness.
In 2002, the state of Illinois unjustly charged me and my wife at the time with child abuse, for not allowing our daughter to be drugged. Our daughter's hair fell out at age 6 from a drug, Ethosuximide, that was later banned in Canada. Now at age 11 we weren't going to let her be made a guinea pig again. The state of Illinois forced her to take Depakote, which caused liver toxicity and bone marrow shutdown. Bastards! Our legal fees skyrocketed to over $20,000 by an ungodly thief for a lawyer. He was going through a divorce and taking it out on us. We were a Christian family being ravished by a thug lawyer. The state of Illinois is one of the most corrupt institutions in America. Literally, 5 of Illinois' last 8 governors have been sentenced to prison for corruption!!! This world is an ugly place because of sin and evil (premeditated sin).
Dear friend, if I told you all of what I have suffered through, you'd cry if you care about people at all. Why am I sharing all this with you? I have never been closer to God than I am today. I have been forgiven by God of many sins, and so I love Him so much more. Perhaps you are not as bad a sinner as me, and you think you don't owe God as much love, but I sure do! I am nothing but a broken redeemed sinner. I am happy in the Lord in 2021. I woke up today and thanked God that I have eyes to see. I need to wear glasses to watch TV because I am nearsighted. I am getting older. God willing I will turn 54 on March 5, 2021. My life is almost over. I don't claim to be a good Christian, but you won't find a more sincere man. God knows that I work hard on my ministry, night and day, and bathe it in prayer. I need to start updating my Jesus-is-Savior website, people are starting to complain about it being outdated. Right now I need to focus on where to move soon.
I have been watching YouTube videos on TV about different places to live in the United States. I am having a really difficult time deciding where to move. All the places that I would like to live are way too expensive for me, like Colorado, Oregon and California. I have to show you this picture I found today of Colorado Springs, Colorado...
Now you know why I'd like to live there! I get medical disability, so I have to choose an affordable town. I am praying night and day for God to guide me, to give me the wisdom that I need to make decisions. My body burns from head to toe, throughout my nervous system, due to my neck injury and second surgery that made me 100% worse in 2010. I suffer so much. I am torn between living up north in Indiana or Ohio, or out east in Maine, Pennsylvania or North Carolina, or down south in Texas or Florida. I have come to the realization that I won't feel peace no matter where I move, because I want to be with Jesus in Heaven.
I wish I could just look back and say all my suffering is behind me. My family is still broken. My body is still broken. My life is still broken. I am still lonely. BROKEN THINGS! But I have perfect peace with my Savior. My main reason for moving is to hopefully meet a woman to build a meaningful life with. But if not, I want to get involved with some type of homeless ministry, or a ministry that does more than fill 18" of pew each Sunday. It is disgusting that we have 350,000 churches across America, but 99% of them do absolutely nothing to help the poor. Anyway, that is a different article for another day.
As I type, the burning in my nerves is horrible. Pastor DeHaan writes in chapter 4 about “A Broken Vase.” Matthew 26:7, “There came unto him a woman having an alabaster box of very precious ointment, and poured it on his head, as he sat at meat.” We don't know the identity of this dear woman. It is safe to say that she was a forgiven sinner. Dr. DeHaan speculates that perhaps this was Mary Magdalene. We don not know. She held nothing back. She broke the alabaster box once and for all. She could have used a small portion of it to honor the Lord, but she gave it all for Him. This woman didn't do this for the group at dinner, she did it just for the Lord. Pastor DeHaan further states:
I sometimes wonder if I have ever done anything just for Him. When I look at Him, everything I have done seems so small, so negative. Nothing I could possibly do or sacrifice or give could ever compare with what He has done for me.
I do not expect all of you to feel as I do regarding my debt to my Savior, for perhaps you do not owe Him as much as I do. Perhaps you have not sinned as I have, and you have not had so much forgiven. But I know that I could never repay Him for what He has done for me.
SOURCE: Broken Things: Why We Suffer, by Pastor M.R. DeHaan; pp. 56-57; Discovery House Publishers, ©1948
I am the biggest sinner I know. I condemn no one. I am a hurting dog, and a hurting dog barks. I don't care who I impress, or who I upset, my only goal is to preach THE TRUTH to help others. Let him that hath ears to hear hear. I cannot wait until this miserable life is over, but in God's timing, not mine. Life is full of sorrows, losses, pain, heartache and burdens. It hurts most of all when churches aren't churches, when they care more about money than hurting sinners who plead for their help. I speak of the ungodly Harvest Baptist Church of Guam.
If you want someone to throw rocks at, here I am. Just blame me, everyone else does. Pain adversely affects a person. It is only by God's grace that I keep going day by day. But my heart rejoices in the PROMISES of God. The Bible says we live by faith, not by sight (2nd Corinthians 5:7). I get frustrated daily that God doesn't seem to answer any of my prayers. I need His help to move, but there doesn't seem to be any help. Yet, I refuse to put God on trial. I love what Pastor DeHaan said earlier, about King David being frustrated, saying in Psalms 42:11, “Why art thou cast down, O my soul? and why art thou disquieted within me?” David felt like God had abandoned him. Psalms 44:23, “Awake, why sleepest thou, O Lord? arise, cast us not off for ever.” Dear friend, God only had one Son without sin, but He never had a son without suffering.
My life is a living testimony that God can make use of BROKEN THINGS. Are you divorced? So am I. Are you despised? So am I. Are you hated? So am I. Are you rejected by people at a local independent Baptist church? So am I. Are you suffering in chronic bodily pain day and night? So am I. Have you lost your home? So did I. My home was completely paid for and now strangers own it. The money went to pay legal fees. I have been renting for 11 years. Have you made foolish financial decisions? So have I. I tried to relocate from Guam to the United States in 2013, which turned into a big nightmare. I ended up wasting $50,000 going in a big circle, coming right back to Guam broke and broken. That's where the rest of the equity in my home went. I know what it feels like to lose everything.
Are you depressed? So am I, daily. Are you stuck in life? So am I. I have felt trapped in life for the past 12 years. Is your family broken? So is mine. Are you lonely? So am I, painfully so. Jesus makes the difference! John 16:33, “These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.” Because our blessed Savior is risen, we have the hope of eternal life which God has promised to everyone who believes on His only begotten Son. I already posses eternal life as a child of God, and so do you if you are saved. Nothing can ever take that away from us. Once saved always saved! No matter how broken and miserable I may become in this sin cursed world, I can rejoice that my name is written in Heaven in the Lamb's Book of Life. There are billions of people who cannot rejoice about that!
As I mentioned earlier, I thanked God today for my eyes. They are wearing old, but they still work. Even if I had $10,000,000,000 in my bank account, I couldn't buy my eyesight if I lost it. Think about that friend. If you had a trillion dollars to your name, you couldn't buy your hearing, or taste buds, or an arm back once it is lost. So if you have all those blessings, you ought to be extremely happy and grateful to God. Thankfully, God understands that we are frail and flesh. When you begin to feel down, think about all that God has given to you. Pastor DeHaan is right, who says in his book that the people who complain the most have the least to complain about. And the people who complain the least are the ones who suffer, and have every reason to moan and gripe, but they don't. Isn't that something?
I receive thousands of emails each year, mostly from fellow believers. Many of them share their heartaches, problems and ask me questions about how to handle life. Most of them don't walk closely with God. If they did, they would cling to His wonderful promises as I do. I have been saved for 40 years, so I didn't learn this stuff overnight. Suffering is a great teacher! Psalms 119:67 and 71, “Before I was afflicted I went astray: but now have I kept thy word. ... It is good for me that I have been afflicted; that I might learn thy statutes.” You'll never learn the sweetness of God until you suffer dear friend.
I didn't ask or want any of this horrible permanent suffering. If I could live my life over though, I would be terrified to choose any other course, fearful of missing out on all the truths and closeness to the Lord that my suffering has taught me, and the power of God upon my website ministry. It was only when Meshach, Shadrach and Abednego were cast into Nebuchadnezzar's fiery furnace that the Son of God appeared with them. You'll find Jesus in the fire friend! BE OF GOOD CHEER, our blessed Savior is risen and alive forevermore!
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