Divorce Is An Inexplicably Ugly And Painful Experience

Matthew 19:3-6, “The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him, and saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause? And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.”

My parents were married for 36 years before my Mom went to Heaven in 2001. She suffered a stroke in 1989 and spent the remaining years of her life in a wheelchair, crippled on the left side of her body. My Dad was born in 1933 and my Mom in 1935. They didn't have previous marriages. Like a lot of couples, they had many marriage problems over the years. But they stayed together. I love what Pastor Bob Gray Sr. said: “A marriage is two people never giving up on each other.” My favorite marital quote is: “A marriage is two people making a life for each other.”

I got married in 1987 at age 20. She was 25. Early on in my marriage I determined in my heart that me and my wife were going to beat my parent's admirable 36 years! It would have been 36 years in 2023. Unfortunately, my wife divorced me in 2006. I didn't see that coming. It was like those poor victims of the recent 135 car pile up in Fort Worth, Texas this week, that killed 6 drivers. One of the most severe storms in several decades afflicted the United States. Texas is now enduring record snowfalls and temperatures. There are widespread power and water shortages throughout Texas and Oklahoma. If you have had the misfortune of being the victim of a divorce as I have, it feels like an F5 tornado ripping your life apart. It was like getting hit out of nowhere by a Mack truck!

I had often heard of other people going through a divorce, but I had no idea of the horror that divorce inflicts upon a person. The person filing for divorce doesn't suffer anywhere near what the victim does. My former wife had abandoned me in March of 2006. She had left oftentimes before, but usually returned home after a few hours, days, weeks and once even a month. While she was gone I searched the Scriptures for comfort. I read in Romans 12:21, “Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good.” So in May of 2006 I started a new website called “Soulwinning.info” to overcome evil with good. I prayed and trusted the Lord that everything was going to be okay and somehow work out. 

To my horror, on June 5th, 2006, U.S. Marshals came to my job workplace to summons me to divorce court. I worked by myself in maintenance at the U.S. Postal Service. I was so devastated that I went into the parts department, turned out the lights, and wept for hours. I was on call as a mechanic. So if any equipment needed repair, like a fireman they would call me. It was a quiet night, and I was able to weep and cry out to God in despair. I went home as soon as I could. Those hours at work seemed like days, grieving and shocked in my soul. I went home and couldn't even tell my teenage children what their mother had done. I just dropped the summons on the floor and wept uncontrollably, as my son read the paperwork. They were as surprised as I was. 

Proverbs 31:12-14, “Who can find a virtuous woman?  for her price is far above rubies. The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.” I chose unwisely when I got married. I didn't even like her. But she gave me attention and grew on me, and I found myself becoming familiar with someone I didn't really like. I thought she was a weirdo. I read last year that both Billy Sunday (1862-1935) and his wife were engaged to other people when they met. They broke off those engagements and married each other instead. I regret that I didn't do that. There was a gal in Bible college that I wish I had married, but I was already engaged, and I wish to God I had done as Billy Sunday did.

I don't hate anyone, certainly not my former spouse. But she has no idea of the emotional trauma, inexplicable pain of soul and financial loss that she caused. The divorce didn't cost her one penny. She found some trashy pro bono attorney. It cost me $64,000 when all was said and done. It got very ugly. I didn't even know who she was anymore. The woman who promised to never leave me was leaving me permanently. Throughout our marriage she was emotionally unavailable. I used to play my pedal steel guitar just for her, yearning for some praise from her. So often I hoped she would simply say, “I love what you just played,” and show some admiration toward me, but she never didn't. She didn't like country music. God made every woman to be a help meet to her man (Genesis 2:18), not a housekeeper, mother or secretary. 

More times than I can remember she would say, “I'm going to go see what the kids are doing” or “I'm going to go make sure the house is clean.” Those were just excuses to go somewhere else. My music was just for me. I felt so lonely for the 18 years I was married. I am a passionate man, with depth of feelings and a desire to kiss and connect emotionally. Literally, while making love she refused to open her mouth, saying verbatim: “I don't like germs.” That frustrated me. I have never had a good wife. I am not complaining. I think of the millions of young men, still teenagers, who died on some lonely foreign battlefield, never having been married or privileged to become a father. But I feel cheated having chosen someone who eventually didn't even want to kiss me anymore.

I have four biological adult children. My son is now 31. I have three daughters (Lynda, Crystal and Darla) ages 30, 29 and 27. I have 5 grandchildren. I love my children very much and thank God for them, but they have all gone their separate ways. That is fine, I pray for them and am here if they ever need me as their father and a friend. I saw my son for the first time since 2009 in 2018, when he visited Guam. He gave me 19 hugs during his week long stay! Yes, I counted them, because every one of those hugs meant the world to me. He lives and works in Boise, Idaho. I am so proud of him, but he is like his old man, private and keeps to himself. Here is a photo from 2009 of my son in the Air Force (Robert is on the left holding the machine gun)....

Pastor Jack Hyles taught many helpful philosophies that I appreciate so much. One was the need for the church as a surrogate family. When our children grow up and move away, and our spouse divorces us, and we are all alone in the big world, we need a church family. Sadly, Harvest Baptist Church of Guam has rejected me since 2014, leaving me without a family. They have no idea what they have done by ostracizing me, but I still love them with Christ's love even in their cruelty. It is truly sad and pathetic how bad churches are today!

Anyway, I was watching some YouTube videos today. I grew up listening to lots of music. I am a musician. If it has strings I can play it, some instruments better than others. The pedal steel guitar is the instrument I am most proficient at, and can play by ear along with a band. I watched a video about Paul Stanley (born 1952) from the band KISS. In the video some memoirs are read from his audiobook, about his divorce from Pamela Bowen and how it adversely impacted him. She abandoned him after 9 years of marriage and ruthlessly went after his money with a team of bandits. I admire Paul as a musician, but sadly he is Jewish in faith and not a Christian (the same as Chaim Witz, aka, Gene Simmons). I realize that rock music is of the Devil, but a lot can be learned from the people themselves. As Pastor Hyles used to say: “Every man is my teacher.” As a hobby I have an interest in biographies of famous people, especially the musicians of the era in which I grew up in the 1970's and 1980's. I thank God that I chose to become a born-again Christian at age 13 in 1980.

I digress. Divorce is an excruciatingly painful ordeal to go through. I have been single now for 15 years, often depressed and lonely beyond words. I regret moving to Guam, which has put me into an awkward situation where I cannot find a girlified on Guam. I desire to remarry as soon as I can meet a decent woman. As each year passes I more and more feel like I'll never find that special someone to marry. God willing I plan to move very soon, but I am having a very difficult time deciding where to relocate. I've been looking at Fort Wayne, Indiana, but I cannot find peace about any place I have considered. I think that is simply because I haven't actually been to any of these places, and so my mind draws a blank.

I have considered moving to a larger size church, which hopefully will increase my chances of meeting a good woman to marry. That is one reason why I am a bit hesitant about moving to Fort Wayne. I couldn't find any large churches there. Then again, perhaps in a smaller church it might be easier to find a woman who is seeking a man. I am naïve in the matter, I admit. I simply don't know the best course of action to take. I feel lost at sea, like I don't belong anywhere on this earth. That is a horrible feeling, which divorce causes sometimes if you don't have friends to support you emotionally. When my wife divorced me in 2006 I had my children to comfort me, but then they eventually went their own way as adults, and I have been alone in life since. I haven't been received well at the few churches I have visited on Guam since 2009. No one wants to be where they don't feel wanted. You just know when a church doesn't care or want you. I needed Harvest Baptist Church of Guam so much since 2013, but I mean nothing to them, all they care about is their paychecks, sadly. They crushed my heart!

If you are the victim of an unwanted divorce as I am, look to Jesus. Hebrews 12:2, “Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God.” Jesus was despised and rejected of men. Isaiah 53:3, “He is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief: and we hid as it were our faces from him; he was despised, and we esteemed him not.” I am encouraged when I read about divorced men who remarry and find happiness. John Wesley's wife divorced him. When someone asked him about it Wesley replied: “I did not dismiss her. I did not abandon her. I will not recall her.” That is exactly how I feel.

God hates divorce and so do I. Once there has been a legal divorce all trust is gone. There will be unresolved anger issues lingering. Divorce is a sin that perpetrates for a lifetime. I certainly would never want to remarry someone who doesn't like my germs and refuses to kiss me. I have been treated cruelly by some self-righteous, hateful and judgmental religious people, Baptists, who berate me for even talking about getting remarried. Folks, one thing that we all learn early on in life is how crazy, unreasonable and hypocritical some people can be. Don't let religious people get you down! Religion destroys a working mind!

The ungodly Harvest Baptist Church of Guam almost caused me to commit suicide, because of former Pastor Marty Herron's hypocrisy, lack of compassion, selfishness, cowardice and indifference toward THE TRUTH. That wicked man has much blood on his hands, including mine! I haven't attended church since 2014 because of Marty Herron, but he couldn't care less. His mind is filled with convenient excuses for justifying his lack of compassion, indifference, being a respecter of persons and selfishness. Tragically, Herron is now ruining young people's lives at the Faith Baptist Bible College and Theological Seminary in Ankeny, Iowa, milking the cash cow as executive vice president of the apostate Neo-evangelical institution. Spiritual crime pays well! I wouldn't give you a dime for his phony testimony. Sadly, Herron preaches the Wrong Repentance heresy, requiring people to forsake a lifestyle of sinning to be saved. 

The new pastor of Harvest Baptist Church of Guam since 2018, Gary Walton, is no better. Walton is just another salaried employee at Harvest, milking the cash cow as long as he can before moving on, like the other pastors have done. This is so tragic! Pastors come and go, not being held accountable for the incalculable damage they do by promoting Devil's Bible versions, preaching a false gospel of Lordship Salvation, and having a woeful lack of compassion for divorced and hurting people like me. These pastors know that I am divorced, hurting, lonely and have a broken heart, yet they have continued to shun, despise and ostracize me in their sinful pride and arrogance since 2014. God will judge between me and them (Romans 14:10-12; 1st Thessalonians 4:6; Proverbs 24:12; James 2:1). Sadly, they couldn't care less at Harvest, and that's the truth. They just want their next paycheck!!!

It's bad enough being rejected by my wife in 2006, but then the local independent Baptist church also rejects me (since 2014). I pray to God that He will fully avenge me of Harvest's cruelty against me personally, for their hatred of my Christlike stand for THE TRUTH, for ignoring my humble pleas for their spiritual help over the years, for their deafening cruel silence, and for their gross theological incompetence. These are wicked men who simply don't care at all, but they are full of lame excuses. Galatians 6:7, “Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.” I have sown truth at Harvest, for which they drove me out of the church; but they have sown heresy, for which God will hold them accountable! 

I have sown love toward them by speaking truth (Ephesians 4:15), but they sown hatred in return (Galatians 4:16). Psalms 109:4-5, “For my love they are my adversaries: but I give myself unto prayer. And they have rewarded me evil for good, and hatred for my love.” Hear, Oh Lord my humble prayer against these wicked pastors at Harvest Baptist Church on Guam, and the ungodly cesspool of iniquity today at Bob Jones University in South Carolina. I pray Lord that you'll hold them accountable and punish them for their willful theological incompetence, dozens of confusing Bibles, for their lack of moral standards, and for their abuse and neglect of hurting students and people in the church. I was part of the family at Harvest, but they axed me like a turkey on Thanksgiving Day!

I could say so much on this topic of divorce. I am still in the Poseidon ship that is capsized upside down. (That was the 1972 version. Here is a scene from the 2006 remake of the movie.) My life is still in disarray. I cannot see my hand in front of my face. My life is a shipwreck. That is how my life has felt since 2006 friends. That is what a divorce does to a person! Please don't ever file for divorce!!! Please don't betray your spouse's trust. You are just as sinful as your spouse. You may sin in different ways than they do, but you are just as much a big sinner in God's sight. It breaks my heart that Harvest won't allow me to attend church services, and that they refuse to touch my broken life with a 10 foot pole. Where dwelleth the love of God? 

I have been stuck in life since 2006, lonely without a companion by my side. I underwent two major neck surgeries in 2009 and 2010, with no one there for me. No one cares. Psalm 142:4, “I looked on my right hand, and beheld, but there was no man that would know me: refuge failed me; no man cared for my soul.” All across America we hear in the news about bad situations which were allowed to go on for years and even decades, where the city council members did nothing to remedy a known problem. We hear in the news about neglect of elderly veterans, with maggot infested wounds, because of gross neglect by medical staff. This is the Harvest Baptist Church of Guam spiritually! They see a man hurting but leave him to rot. Their pastors hide and avoid dealing with the infected wound, letting things get worse and worse, until the patient is dying. Bad pastors who don't care are a curse in churches today!

If nothing else, in my suffering, loneliness and pain from the aforementioned woes, I want to be an encouragement to others who are in the same boat. Hang in there, God loves you! I don't claim to have all the answers, because I don't. But God does have all the answers and I trust Him. When you can't see tomorrow, trust Him Who holds tomorrow. God already lives in tomorrow! God knows exactly when you and I will die. He knows how we will die. God is omniscient. God cares (1st Peter 5:7). Angels were waiting for Lazarus when he died (Luke 16:19-31). We can expect that same loving welcome home when our time comes as believers. Our great God is still on His throne! Lamentations 5:19, “Thou, O LORD, remainest for ever; thy throne from generation to generation.” Everything's alright in my heavenly Father's house.