Don't Play With Someone's Heart That Loves You

Revelation 3:15-17, “I know thy works, that thou art neither cold nor hot: I would thou wert cold or hot. So then because thou art lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will spue thee out of my mouth. Because thou sayest, I am rich, and increased with goods, and have need of nothing; and knowest not that thou art wretched, and miserable, and poor, and blind, and naked:”

I fell in love with a young woman across the street from me in 2017. I diligently tried to go back to Harvest Baptist Church where she attends, but her pastors can't get over themselves, so they refused, as they have cruelly since 2014. So much for the love of God. It's just as well, because they don't believe right at Harvest. Anyway, I bought a care bear to give the young lady, and personally gave it to her. I wrote her a long love letter. I poured out my soul to her, and pretty much told her that I wanted to properly court her and marry her. To my dismay, she coldly left the bear outside my door later that night when I returned, with a mean letter telling me never to contact her again. She was no better than her cruel pastors.

Yet, still today three years later, she waits for me every so often when I am returning home, timing herself. She hears my music (I like to feel loud music) and walks out toward me from her friend's house when I arrive. My heart leaps when I see her, and I feel happy, but yet sad later on, confused and wondering why she does that. Is she leading me on? Is she letting me know that perhaps she does have some feelings for me? Is she playing me for the fool? Is she confused herself, not wanting me, but not wanting to let go either? As you can imagine, this scenario is frustrating for a man who loves a woman. I have always loved her, and my feelings have never changed since I first saw her mowing her lawn in 2017 across the street from me. But she spurned my love in 2017, and has never told me anything otherwise. So why does she want me to see her every couple months? I am 100% sure she is deliberately doing this.

I pondered this matter this morning, and thought about Revelation 3:16-17. I think that is exactly how God felt. He was also frustrated with the church at Laodicea. They thought they were good Christians. The Bible says they were increased with goods. Like Harvest Baptist Church on Guam, they had a fancy big building. They had money. They had acceptance in the local community. They were a prestigious church, like Harvest. But also like Harvest, they were a disgrace spiritually. The Lord Himself called the Laodicean church naked, blind, poor, wretched and miserable, contrary to what they thought about themselves.

I wrote much last year in 2019 in my website articles, during the months before Christmas, about the woman across the street that I have been in love with. I thought for a time that perhaps Harvest Baptist Church was going to invite me back in love, but they didn't, and I was heartbroken again. I saw the woman that I love again last Saturday. She timed herself so that I could see her. She looked so miserable. Life will do that to you. I wish she could know my heart of love for her. I wish she could know all the wonderful things that I want to do to make her happy. She'll never find a man who would do more for her than I would. My family knows that I shower them with blessings all the time, because I love them. If I'm your friend, you have a friend for life. I would never do anything to hurt the woman I love, but she seems to want to hurt me. Leading someone on is cruel. She either wants me or she doesn't. I do, but she doesn't seem to know what she wants. I guess that's a woman for you...lol.

I think that is why Jesus Himself was so frustrated with the church at Laodicea. Jesus loved them dearly. He wanted what was best for them. But they chose rather to linger in mediocrity, just like the Harvest Baptist Church on Guam. They falsely thought they were doing well at Laodicea, but the Lord said they were wretched and blind. Like Harvest, they had plenty of resources, but they were actually naked and poor the Lord said. They were half in, and half out, which frustrated the Lord. Jesus said He would rather have them hot or cold, take your pick, choose a side!

That is how I feel toward this young lady whom I dearly love—choose me or not, reject me or love me, but don't keep me hanging for years. I'd gladly wait 7 years like Jacob did for Rachel, if I just knew there was something to wait for. But all I have is her waiting for me every so often, meeting up with me at a distance, letting me know that she remembered me for some unknown reason. As you can imagine, that is frustrating. Perhaps she wants me to write more about her, to see what I am thinking, wondering if I still feel the same about her. I absolutely do feel the same, feeling nothing but love toward her and a desire to spend the rest of my life with her, but she doesn't seem to want me, yet she leads me on. I think I know how the Lord felt about the church at Laodicea. They were the lukewarm church, half in and half out. Jesus said He wanted them to choose sides, and to stop straddling the fence.

The Harvest Baptist Church on Guam is apostate! They promote Dr. Steve Pettit, who preaches hardcore Lordship Salvation, and is a personal friend and supporter of Dr. John MacArthur (who is an alumni of BJU). These are evil men, who pervert the grace of God, and in so doing attack the God of grace! I wish my beloved friend across the street would come visit me at the Bethel Baptist Church in Yigo, where I have been attending. She is settling for chicken nuggets at Harvest, when she can have ribeye steak at a real church! Harvest cannot make up their minds on the 29 different Bible versions they use. Their own pastor admitted to me in 2014 that they have two dozen different Bible versions in their pews each Sunday. Uh, does anybody else see a really big problem with that? I sure do! Does not the Bible teach that God is not a God of confusion? (1st Corinthians 14:33) So why all the confusion?

Harvest Baptist Church on Guam is spiritually poor, naked, wretched, blind and miserable, but they don't see it. That was the same problem with the church of Laodicea—they were spiritually blind to their disease. Oh how I long for churches to get right with God. Oh how I long in my soul for churches to use only the inspired King James Bible. Oh how my heart desires for pastors to preach a free grace Gospel, and to expose the Devil's lie of Lordship Salvation. Mr. MacArthur actually calls salvation “an exchange.” He uses that very word! He says salvation is an exchange of all that you are, for all that Christ is! That sounds really good and religious, doesn't it? 

The problem with MacArthur's teaching is that salvation is a gift, not an exchange! A gift and an exchange are two very different things. Yet you've got fools like Dr. Kevin Bauder, who claims that Lordship Salvation still falls within the realm of orthodox theology. Have you lost your theological mind man? Romans 11:6 teaches salvation is either by grace or works, but it cannot be both. Likewise, salvation cannot be both a gift and an exchange. You must choose sides in this debate, and your eternal destiny hangs in the balance!

I pray for Abby each day. I love her. But she seems to want to play with my heart, which is frustrating. Everybody plays the fool. I want to get married soon. I am looking diligently for a wife. I may not find the woman I want, but in the end what is really important is that I find the wife that God's wants me to have, and I will love her forever. I know the pain of not having a wife for 15 years, so when I do find her, Lord willing, I am going to cherish her every day. God is always good, no matter what! Jesus is precious!!!